Andy Cole opens up on his mental health battle, new charity and self-isolation

Andy Cole knows all about the fragility of life, but that doesn't make dealing with self-isolation and the constant threat of the coronavirus any easier to accept.

For the last five years Cole has been coming to terms with his own new reality after suffering kidney failure after picking up a virus on a trip to Vietnam as a Manchester United ambassador, undergoing a transplant two years later.

That saved his life, but it doesn't mean the former United striker is fit and healthy again. It can still be a daily struggle and dealing with the mental health side of his illness has been as difficult as the physical reality for Cole.

Today he launches his own charity fund, the Andy Cole Fund, with Kidney Research UK, which will focus money into practical research and aim to help transplant patients with their own mental health and wellbeing.

Cole has been planning the fund for more than a year, but the launch comes as he self-isolates at home, considered high-risk if he were to contract COVID-19.

“I've been inside almost constantly. Last week I was in for six straight days and I felt the walls coming in on me, I went out for a walk, I just couldn't do it anymore,” he said.

“It's really difficult now, I live by myself so it's hard, you're not communicating with anyone, I just had to get out and get rid of some of the cobwebs.

“Having so much time to reflect, not just on my playing days but on my illness, what is going on now, too much is not good, but once you're around people you don't get time to reflect.

“Nothing I'm doing at the moment is relevant to the day, we're all thinking about when this is going to end, we want to get out and do things as per normal, but unfortunately there won't be as per normal for some time.”

Cole, 48, was as surprised as anyone when he was told he had an underlying kidney condition after being treated for the virus he picked up in 2015.

Two years later he received a transplant from nephew Alexander Palmer, but his struggles have not ended once the organ was accepted.

“When you've got a bad illness you think you're the only one who has got it, but there's plenty of people who have gone before me and there will be plenty after,” he said.

“We all deal with things in different ways, but I've met so many people who've gone through the same thing, I want to try and help the next person who might be coming down with this horrible disease, to try and talk to people about my experiences.

“When I get it people look at me and say 'whoa, how did he get it? He's a super fit ex-footballer', but it doesn't matter who you are, it's hard to come to terms with that. I want to try and help people and get people to come together with it.

“I've had many people saying 'you're better now'. Unfortunately, I'm never going to be better, people don't understand that. You have good or bad days.”

One of Cole's toughest battles has been accepting that on some days he just doesn't feel well.

That was the case on Tuesday as he spoke to the M.E.N. via Zoom, but it's taken him a long time to learn to deal with those days.

“If I have a bad day, like today, as soon as I woke up at half six I knew it wasn't happening for me, my legs felt hollow, my whole body was really, really tired. I knew straight away, today I'll have to write the day off,” he said.

“There's no point today, I don't feel up to it, it's my body saying 'today is not your day', so I've got to accept it. When I first started it I wouldn't accept anything then tomorrow would be another day that was a write-off as well, so I'm trying to understand it a lot more now.

“I try to do it exactly the same as when I played football in being mentally strong, but it doesn't work. If your body doesn't want to comply it won't comply.

“It's a different kind of mental toughness, it's about dealing with your emotions, your emotions are all over the place, one day you're on top of the world then the next day you're not sure what's going on, you've got tablets messing about with your system, so you're very unbalanced.”

Cole is aiming to keep his own mental health well balanced at the moment, but is longing for the days when football returns and a sense of normality dawns once again.

“I'm missing it at the moment, I miss Saturdays, you know there's a game on at lunchtime, then the late kick-off. At the moment there's nothing to look forward to when it comes to sport,” he said.

“It's a bit difficult, it's a bit mundane at the moment, but ultimately it's about people's health.”

To find out how you can join Andy's team and to learn more about his new charity, visit www.andycolefund.org.