Di Maria - 'In the Rain, in the Cold, in the Dark' Part One

I remember getting the letter from Real Madrid and tearing it up before I even opened it.

It was the morning of the 2014 World Cup Final, at exactly 11 a.m., and I was sitting on the trainer's table about to get an injection in my leg. I had torn my thigh muscle in the quarterfinals, but with painkillers, I could run without feeling anything. I told our trainers these exact words: “If I break, then let me keep breaking. I don't care. I just want to be able to play.”

So I was putting ice on my leg when our team doctor, Daniel Martínez, came into the room holding this envelope, and he said, “Look, Ángel, this paper came from Real Madrid.”

I said, “What are you talking about?”

He said, “Well, they're saying you're not in any condition to play. So they are forcing us to not let you play today.”

I immediately knew what was happening. Everybody had heard the rumors that Real wanted to sign James Rodríguez after the World Cup, and I knew that they were going to sell me to make room for him. So they didn't want their asset to be damaged. It was that simple. That's the business of football that people do not always see.

I told Daniel to give me the letter. I didn't even open it. I just ripped it into pieces and said, “Throw it away. The one who decides here is me.”

I had not slept much the night before. Part of the reason was that the Brazilian fans were setting off huge fireworks outside of our hotel all night long, but even if it had been completely quiet, I don't think I would've been able to sleep. It is impossible to explain the feeling you have on the night before a World Cup Final, when everything you ever dreamed about is right in front of your eyes.

I sincerely wanted to play that day even if it ended my career. But I also didn't want to make things complicated for our team. So I woke up early that morning and went to see our manager, Mr. Sabella. We had a very close relationship, so if I told him that I wanted to start, I knew that he would feel the pressure to put me in. I told him sincerely, with my hand on my heart, that he should put in the player that he felt he had to put in.

I said, “If it's me, it's me. If it's another, then it's another. I just want to win the World Cup. If you call on me, I will play until I break.”

And then I started crying. I couldn't help it. The moment had overwhelmed me.

When we had our team talk before the match, Sabella announced that Enzo Pérez was going to start, because he was 100% healthy. I was at peace with that decision. I treated myself with an injection before the match, and again during the second half, so that I would be ready to play if I was called from the bench.

But the call never came. We lost the World Cup, and I couldn't control anything. It was the most difficult day of my life. After the match, the media were saying ugly things about why I didn't play. But what I'm telling you is the absolute truth.

What still haunts me is the moment when I went to speak to Sabella, and I broke down in tears in front of him. Because I will always wonder if he thought that I was crying because I was nervous.

In truth, it had nothing to do with nerves. I was overcome with emotion because of how much the moment meant to me. We were so close to achieving the impossible dream.