Jesse Lingard reveals he turned to drink during Man United struggles

Jesse Lingard has revealed how he 'was drinking to try to take the pain away' as his Manchester United career fell apart and he battled mental demons.

The England international footballer has opened up on how the pressure to perform, abuse from fans, and his mother's struggle with depression totally drained his enthusiasm for the game during the 2019-20 season.

'I was drinking before bed, having a nightcap. I look back now and think 'what was I doing that for?' But I needed something to try and take the pain away,' Lingard told The Diary Of A CEO podcast in a candid interview.

'I was trying to forget what was going on. But it makes it 10 times worse.'

Opening up on how his game and mindset was affected by online abuse, Lingard, who now plays for Nottingham Forest, admitted it became impossible to be his usual self.

'You're getting that much abuse, and I'm already down enough, and I've got to perform,' he said.

'I was still trying to be Jesse, like banter… banter jokes and all that but, of course it's going to affect me.

'I'm already going through things you don't know about… I felt like the world was on my shoulders.'

Lingard, 30, also opened up on his mum Kirsty's struggles with depression - she was admitted to hospital for treatment in 2019 - which left him feeling like games were 'passing him by.'

'The depression was so bad she couldn't really cope any more and she needed to go away and get help,' he said.

But leaving me with my little sister who was 11 at the time and my little brother who was 15, for me, I was still going through my own things as well.

'So I wasn't really the big brother they wanted at the time. They always get the fun, laughy, bubbly Jesse and I was going through my own things, so I was on auto-pilot.

'I just wasn't there, mentally wasn't there. I was on the pitch but I didn't want to be on the pitch, I didn't want to play. I didn't want to quit football, I never would have quit football, but I needed a break.

'I'm going into games just with a mind blankness. I didn't want to be on the pitch, I didn't want to be there, so of course I was playing badly.'

Lingard revealed how things came to a head when he was abused by supporters after United won 3-0 at Derby County in the FA Cup on March 5, 2020.

'We won but as soon as I got on the bus it was "Jesse, you're s***, why are you playing for us?" Luke Shaw came down off the bus and backed me,' he recalled.

'I don't know if it was United fans or Derby fans but I'm human, you know what I mean. Of course it's going to affect me. I'm already down enough anyway, going through things you don't know about, and I've got to perform on a weekly basis.

'When you are performing, it's not at 100 per cent so of course there's going to be critics. But to be abused like that tipped it.

'I was like, "I can't be arsed anymore, I need a break. I need to find some motivation, some fire in my belly to get going again because I can't be doing this."

'It was another game next week and I couldn't be arsed, I didn't want to play.

'Just during that time period, everything that was going on with my mum, looking after my little brother and sisters, I felt like I had the world on my shoulders.'

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