Claude Makelele is speaking to a group of journalists from around the world before the biggest domestic fixture in club football, El Clasico. He is playing a little game. Makelele has to stop them when they name a better player in his specific position.
Michael Essien? Silence. Casemiro? Silence. Moises Caicedo? Xabi Alonso? Sergio Busquets? Ryan Gravenberch? Rodri? N'Golo Kante? Silence. "I love all the players you mentioned," he says, eventually. "But I am special." It is the Makelele role for a reason.
Now 52, Makelele defined a position like few before him or since. He won LaLiga and the Champions League with Real Madrid. When he left, helping Chelsea to back-to-back Premier League titles, that team of Galacticos were never quite the same again.
"I had the capacity to play offensively or defensively. I chose to play defensive and tactically because offensively, I didn't need to go there because I had my teammates that could do the offence. We had [Zinedine] Zidane, [Luis] Figo, Raul, Ronaldo, you understand?
"I did not need to go there because we had people there, you know? I focused on my position, I did my job defensively, and that is it. The player who plays in this position, they need to work a lot, running a lot to bring the ball for the offensive players."
Perhaps it is no surprise that ahead of a game full to the brim of creative talent, one that will pit Kylian Mbappe against Lamine Yamal, Jude Bellingham against Marcus Rashford, Makelele believes the game will be won by stopping the stars getting the ball instead.
"Barcelona have the platform, the balance, they play the ball through the midfield. This is dangerous for Madrid," he explains. But there is a way to stop it. "The way Barcelona play, everything happens from the middle. The transitions happen from the middle."
He adds: "If you delete the midfielder and make them run, I think Madrid will win because Paris [Saint-Germain] did the same thing [earlier this month]. Paris were clever. They put pressure on the midfield and when Barcelona lost the ball, they transitioned quickly.
"Madrid have very good wingers and forwards who can finish. Madrid need to focus on this capacity. Don't give Barcelona easy possession because Pedri, with Fermin [Lopez], when they get the ball to Lamine Yamal and the offensive players they're so destructive.
"I think that Madrid need to understand it is more important for them to block the midfield. It will be more easy from there. It means Mbappe needs to be good, Vinicius needs to be good. But Madrid have a habit of the best players making the difference."
Tchouameni provides security
Even so, it is Aurelien Tchouameni, the player Makelele believes is most like him on the pitch in this El Clasico, who will have the key role for Madrid. Makelele even recommended him to Real Madrid president Florentino Perez and knows how challenging his job will be.
"In the beginning, he helped the team playing in different positions. On the right side, on the left side, sometimes behind the offensive players, because he is a very complete player, he is very ambitious. But now I think, for me, he needs to stay in the middle."
He laughs at the thought of everyone flying forward, gesturing to that effect. "The winger, the striker, the midfielder, the left back, the right back. You only have a few players covering, providing the security so his position is very important for Madrid," he explains.
"He needs to understand when to play football, when to play possession and when to attack. Because, when he attacks, he needs to understand whether one teammate can take his place. Because if he is not there, he will be responsible for this kind of thing.
"He needs to understand his role in the team and his role is security. To play in this position, you need to be a big leader. That is leadership not with the [armband], but with the way you play, the way your team-mates see you, the way you correct the defects.
Makelele believes Xabi Alonso can help Tchouameni fulfil his potential. "Xabi played in this position, he knows exactly how to play it. I think he will progress a lot this season." But a coach can only help so much. "You learn by playing there many times," he adds.
"Game, game, game, game, game. I did it myself like this, watching videos, seeing this position. I listened a lot to Mazinho, because I played with him at Celta Vigo. I learned a lot from him. He made me understand this position. It is amazing if you love it."
And Claude Makelele clearly still loves the Makelele role.
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Makelele had no much impact in el classicos other than collecting cards always...