Not since Hasselhoff has a David breathed such life into something that seemed so dead in the water. West Ham did not just win – they pulverised relegation rivals Bournemouth here.
David Moyes could not have wished for a greater start to his second stint. A first home win since September, and first Premier League win by four-plus goals since 2007.
There were even ‘oles’ as West Ham played keep-ball towards the end. It is too soon to expect to hear Moyes’ name sang but what a re-introduction this was.
The Scot had only two days to work with this squad before this match. At the very least, he demanded they show some fight. As expected, Mark Noble led by example.
Felipe Anderson put in arguably his best performance in a West Ham shirt, and deserved to be the man who made completed the scoreline midway through the second half.
VAR tried to deny him that, looking for a shoelace offside, but the goal was good and so were West Ham over 90 minutes. Out of the relegation zone they go.
And in it go Bournemouth. Eddie Howe’s side were, to put it politely, abysmal from start to finish.
There were 17 minutes on the clock when Robert Snodgrass cut the ball back to the edge of the box. From 22 yards, Noble swept a side-footed shot goalward.
A horrific deflection off Lewis Cook diverted the ball into the left corner while Aaron Ramsdale was diving to the right, and West Ham had an early 1-0 lead.
By the time Bournemouth were waiting to kick off, the celebrations had died down. Noble was having none of it. He waved his arms in the air, demanding noise.
The supporters responded and the players did, too, as they scored a second in the 25th minute.
This time, Snodgrass fed Ryan Fredericks, who crossed from the right. It looked behind Haller but the Frenchman met it, sending a stunning scissor-kick into the far corner.
There was no hint of a celebration from Haller, despite this being the best volley this stadium has seen since Andy Carroll’s overhead kick against Crystal Palace in January 2017.
But Anderson summed up what all of us were feeling upon seeing this strike, as the Brazilian responded by placing both of his hands on his head in disbelief.
Haller had two goals since August before this. He will not bag many better in 2020.
Before half time, Noble barged his way into the box with Harry Wilson on his back. The 32-year-old fell to the ground, leaving referee Graham Scott with little option.
He pointed to the penalty spot, with VAR double checking and confirming, before Noble stepped up to take it himself. He sent Ramsdale the wrong way for 3-0.
Callum Wilson came into this having not scored since September, Dominic Solanke was 30 games into his Bournemouth career and without a goal. They had looked like it, too.
After the half time whistle, Bournemouth captain Simon Francis charged towards the tunnel and urged his team-mates to hurry up behind him. Howe’s side had been downright awful.
On the day of the World Darts Championship final, and given how poorly they had played, it really would take a comeback of Lazarus proportions, to borrow the quote from Sid Waddell.
Any chance of that was completely ruled out in the 66th minute.
Declan Rice pumped a ball towards the left wing where Anderson was waiting. A fine first touch saw him leave Francis in his dust, leaving himself one on one with Ramsdale.
He had the nerve to finish and it was 4-0. That did not flatter West Ham. They had been all over Bournemouth, and did it all without the help of injured Michail Antonio.
In the 74th minute, Aaron Cresswell committed a challenge on Ryan Fraser that appeared dangerous. It was the type of foul that drew gasps from West Ham’s own fans.
They knew it was bad. Cresswell got the ball but he took Fraser out with it, and Scott showed the left back a red card. Then VAR got involved.
They told their man on the ground to show a yellow instead which, in truth, was generous of Stockley Park. A clear and obvious mistake this was not.
In the 80th minute, a rare Bournemouth attack left Solanke with a free header. From five yards, he missed, as the ball bounced off the post and landed in Lukasz Fabianski’s arms.
That summed up their evening. Howe’s side are in trouble. Against a club facing their fifth consecutive home league defeat for the first time since 1931, they were toothless.
This lifted West Ham out of the Premier League’s bottom three and dropped Bournemouth in it.
There was no official welcome home for Moyes to the London Stadium prior to kick-off. No official announcement over the tannoy, or walk on to the pitch to wave hello.
He let his players do his reintroducing for him. There is a long way to go, but the David Moyes era, Part II, is off to a perfect start.