In the Premier League's 31 seasons, 369 hat-tricks have been scored.
That is quite a few match balls handed out to the respective scorers, resting on a commemorative plinth, or in a perspex case, or chucked in a garage somewhere and forgotten about.
And such is the beauty of football, no two hat-tricks are the same. Some are good, some are bad, and some are lucky. Some are all headers, some are all long-range raspers, some are all with the wrong foot. Some are spectacular, some are mundane — and some you might have been able to score yourself.
But which is the best? And which is the worst? Well, that's very subjective. You can make your own mind up about that. Instead, we have trawled through all of those many trebles, and brought you the most notable in a series of carefully chosen categories…
From the shortest distance: Dirk Kuyt, Liverpool vs Manchester United, 2010-11
Is there such a thing as a 'bad Premier League hat-trick'? Maybe, maybe not, but there is one to which the age-old terrace cry of “My nan could've scored that” does apply, and it's Dirk Kuyt's trio of tap-ins for Liverpool against Manchester United in 2011. The first saw Kuyt 'making sure' as Luis Suarez's heavily deflected cross-shot dribbled towards the net. The second, Kuyt headed home from five yards. The third came from a Suarez free kick saved by Edwin van der Sar, with Kuyt picking up the pieces to jab into the roof of the net. Cumulative distance: 8.54 yards.
Dirk Kuyt scoring his second from not very far away against Manchester United in March 2011 (Photo: Alex Livesey via Getty Images)
From the furthest distance: Luis Suarez, Liverpool vs Norwich, 2011-12
Luis Suarez scored 12 of his 69 Premier League goals against Norwich, which is just under two per cent of the goals Norwich have conceded in the Premier League. Ten of those came in hat-tricks, and it's the one at Carrow Road towards the end of the 2011-12 season to which we'd like to draw your attention, for that is when the furthest hat-trick was scored — the anti-Kuyt, if you will. The first was a relative tap-in for Suarez's standards, a swept left-footed finish from around 12 yards. The second? More impressive; a shot from a spicy angle on the right. But the third was the best: shooting audaciously from level with the edge of the centre circle to lob John Ruddy. That one did most of the heavy lifting, distance-wise. All in all, Suarez's treble came from a cumulative distance of 80.57 yards.
Scored by the oldest player: Teddy Sheringham, Portsmouth vs Bolton, 2003-04
If you're unfortunate enough to have passed the age at which Teddy Sheringham bagged his fourth and final Premier League hat-trick, you'll have noticed some things changing. Not as limber as you once were. Thicker around the middle. A troubling increase in the number of night-time toilet visits. You really have no business sticking goals past top-level defences, but that's what Sheringham did in his third game for Portsmouth, aged 37 years and 146 days, scoring a glorious near-post header, one of those 'first two yards in his head' finishes and a penalty.
Teddy Sheringham, with the hair, after scoring against Bolton in August 2003 (Photo: Jamie McDonald via Getty Images)
Scored by the youngest player: Michael Owen, Liverpool vs Sheffield Wednesday, 1997-98
If you weren't around in 1998, it's difficult to overstate how thrilling Michael Owen was — both in his actual play and in his promise. But in 1999, he snapped one of his hamstrings. It wasn't properly repaired and he was never really the same again. This hat-trick against Sheffield Wednesday — a very Michael Owen hat-trick, two of them coming when clean through and Owen contorting his body to avoid using his left foot, the other a rebound — came when he was just 18 years and 62 days old. It was a neat summation of his incredible, exhilarating promise.
Michael Owen, just old enough to drink what's being advertised on his shirt, celebrates scoring against Sheffield Wednesday in February 1998 (Photo: Phil Cole/Allsport via Getty Images)
All penalties: Jan Molby, Liverpool vs Coventry City, 1986-87
OK, so not quite Premier League, but there hasn't been a hat-trick of penalties in the Premier League era. In fact, it's only happened twice in English leagues since 1957. However, there was an example in 1986 at a replay of a League Cup fourth-round tie between Liverpool and Coventry City. Jan Molby did the honours, putting the first one low to the goalkeeper's left, sending him the wrong way. Then he put the second low to the 'keeper's left, sending him the wrong way. Then he put the third low to the 'keeper's left, sending him… you get the picture. The classic treble bluff. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times… Hello, I'm Steve Ogrizovic.
All headers: Duncan Ferguson, Everton vs Bolton, 1997-98; Salomon Rondon, West Brom vs Swansea, 2016-17
If you had to guess which Premier League players had scored a hat-trick of headers, Duncan Ferguson would be pretty high on the list. And he didn't disappoint with his trio against Bolton in 1997. None of your looped/flicked/glanced muck here, all three had the Big Dunc oomph: a diving header and the other two those ones where he would batter through an opponent like a runaway boulder. Maybe you would be less likely to pick Rafa Benitez favourite Salomon Rondon, but he scored three headers against Swansea in 2016, adding the finishing touches to three absolutely delicious crosses from Matt Phillips and Chris Brunt, fully earning his nickname as the Venezuelan Duncan Ferguson.
In the absence of any photos of Duncan Ferguson's headed hat-trick, here is the Venezuelan version, Salomon Rondon, scoring his first goal of a hat-trick for West Brom against Swansea in December 2016 (Photo: David Rogers via Getty Images)
All by a defender: Gary Gillespie, Liverpool vs Birmingham, 1985-86
There hasn't been a hat-trick scored by a defender in the Premier League, and for all those shouting “Steve Watson”, pipe down — he was playing in midfield the day he did it for Everton against Leeds in 2003. Thus, the last English top-flight hat-trick scored by a defender came in 1986, when Liverpool's Gary Gillespie scored thrice against Birmingham. And get this: it was a perfect hat-trick too. A header from a corner; close range left-footer; and then a right-footed penalty as Birmingham suffered the indignity of Liverpool, 4-0 up at the time, deciding, “Yeah, doesn't really matter if we miss this, let's give it to the defender.” A special mention goes to West Ham defensive stalwart Alvin Martin, who five days earlier scored a hat-trick of his own. “Beat that,” he might have confidently said. His does have the unique distinction of being scored against three different goalkeepers, though, the third of which was Peter Beardsley, after the first two unlucky souls got injured.
The biggest proportion of their total Premier League goals: Fredi Bobic, Bolton vs Ipswich Town, 2001-02
Fredi Bobic: Euro '96 winner, Bundesliga winner, Bundesliga top-scorer. He had only a brief spell in England, just 16 games in fact, joining Sam Allardyce's collection of waifs and strays on loan as they attempted to stay in the Premier League in 2001-02. But boy was it impactful. Well, one game was impactful: Bobic scored four times for Bolton in those 16 games, and three of them came against Ipswich in April 2002, as Allardyce's boys won 4-1 to edge themselves to safety. They were his last goals for the club too. So, 75 per cent of his Premier League goals came in one hat-trick.
Fredi Bobic celebrates scoring a hat-trick during his brief stop in Bolton (Photo: Dave Tyrrell via Getty Images)
The fastest: Sadio Mane, Southampton vs Aston Villa, 2014-15
This one you will already know. Sadio Mane snatched Robbie Fowler's rapid record when he scored a hat-trick for Southampton against Aston Villa in 2015, taking a speedy two minutes and 56 seconds — the exact length of the song Hi Ho Silver Lining by Jeff Beck. When someone scores three actual goals inside three actual minutes, it's not really on to get sniffy about the quality of them, but the first two were relatively scruffy affairs with Mane taking advantage of some slapstick defending, while the third took not one but two deflections. But, again: under three minutes. We'll let him off.
Sadio Mane scoring a hat-trick against Aston Villa like he had somewhere else to go (Photo: Bryn Lennon via Getty Images)
A note here for James Hayter, who scored three times in 140 seconds for Bournemouth against Wrexham in 2004 in Division Two, after coming on in the 84th minute. It's particularly worth noting for the reason that his parents and brother missed the goals, having left the game early to catch the last ferry back to the Isle of Wight.
By the latest substitute: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Manchester United vs Nottingham Forest, 1998-99
Seven players have scored hat-tricks after coming off the bench, the most notorious being Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's four in Manchester United's 8-1 win over hapless Nottingham Forest in 1999. And that also happens to be the hat-trick scored by the latest substitute to be introduced, because Solskjaer remarkably crammed his goals in after his introduction on 72 minutes. And then threw in another one, just to complete the humiliation.
Against the best team: Romelu Lukaku, West Brom vs Manchester United, 2012-13
There are a few different ways you could determine who the 'best team' is. There have, for example, been three hat-tricks scored against the team who were top of the league at the time: Kuyt against United, Robbie Fowler against Aston Villa in 1998, and Romelu Lukaku for West Brom against United in May 2013. Those with keen memories will recall that this was Sir Alex Ferguson's final ever game, which ended in an implausible 5-5 draw — not that United cared enormously because they had already won the league. And they did so with 89 points, meaning they are the team with the highest points total to have a hat-trick scored against them.
Romelu Lukaku takes the match ball — and possibly a business card from someone in Manchester United's recruitment department — after scoring a hat-trick against them in May 2013 (Photo: Richard Heathcote via Getty Images)
For the worst team: Teemu Pukki, Norwich vs Newcastle, 2019-20
Similar to 'best', 'worst' can be a subjective thing. But for these purposes, we're going to take things literally and go for the player who has scored a hat-trick for the team with the lowest points total at the end of that season. Step forward 2019-20's Norwich City, who slapped Newcastle around in the early weeks of the season, with Teemu Pukki scoring all the goals in a 3-1 win. Alas, they would go on to win just another four games and ended the season bottom, with just 21 points. It should be mentioned that Aruna Dindane scored a hat-trick for Portsmouth in the 2009-10 season when, following a nine-point deduction, the south coast club finished with 19 points. However, that was an off-field decision and Norwich's 2019-20 vintage were far worse on the pitch than that Portsmouth side.
After this match against Newcastle in 2019, Teemu Pukki took the match ball (down to the Championship) (Photo: Jordan Mansfield via Getty Images)
The most pointless: Matt Le Tissier, Southampton vs Oldham, 1992-93; and Southampton vs Nottingham Forest, 1995-96
To score one hat-trick in a defeat might be considered a misfortune; to score two starts to look like a mainstream media plot. Youngsters may be interested to know that social media firebrand Matt Le Tissier used to play football — and he was pretty good at it too, helping himself to four Premier League hat-tricks. But unfortunately, two of them came in defeats, making him the only man to score more than one such treble, against Oldham in 1993 and Nottingham Forest in 1995. He doesn't hold the record for a hat-trick in the biggest loss though: that's Roque Santa Cruz, who scored all of Blackburn's goals in their 5-3 reverse against Wigan in 2007.
Miscellaneous curios
Three players have scored hat-tricks against their former permanent clubs: Andy Cole for Manchester Utd vs Newcastle in August 1999; Robbie Keane for Tottenham vs Wolves in December 2003; Marcus Bent for Wigan vs Blackburn in December 2007 — which doesn't include Harry Kane, who has scored as many hat-tricks against Leicester (two) as he scored goals for them, during his loan spell there in 2013.
The only player to score three against a team his father played for is Erling Haaland, against Nottingham Forest in August 2022.
Only Alan Shearer (five in 1995-96) has scored more Premier League hat-tricks in a single season than Haaland (four in 2022-23).
Haaland is also among a select group to have scored a hat-trick in the same game as a colleague, when he and Phil Foden did the honours against Manchester United in October 2022.
Emmanuel Adebayor, shocked by Derby's defending in April 2008, wonders if he can play against them every week (Photo: Paul Ellis/AFP via Getty Images)
Emmanuel Adebayor scored home and away Premier League hat-tricks against Derby in their cursed 2007-08 season, the only player to do so against an opponent in a single campaign in the competition.
And finally, Cristiano Ronaldo — who scored more hat-tricks in his second spell at United (two) than he did in his first (one) — has the longest gap between hat-tricks for a player in Premier League history: his first and second hat-tricks were separated by 14 years and 59 days.