Former Arsenal midfielder Paul Merson has revealed that he was close to taking his own life last year as he battled with depression.
Merson opened up on his struggles having had issues with alcohol and gambling in the past.
With FA Cup matches on Saturday seeing kick-off delayed by a minute as part of the Football Association's mental health campaign, Heads Up, Merson shared his story in his column with the Daily Star, explaining that he 'could see no way out' and that he was ready to claim his own life.
'I couldn't go on any more. I just couldn't see a way out,' he wrote. 'I had the tablets in my hand. I didn't take enough to do anything but I had them there. With vodka. It was scary.
'It was only because of the kids really, and my wife, and a little bit of consciousness, that I didn't.
'Fear probably as well. I was scared to do it. When you're in that place, you don't see how it's ever going to pass. But I have the tools now. If I get into a real down situation, I know it will pass.'
Fans of the former midfielder watched him break down on television when he was part of Harry Redknapp's 'Harry's Heroes' documentary show.
Merson was in a taxi when he broke down in tears about his addictions and his struggles continued before his own intervention saw him turn it around.
Merson's improvement in the last 12 months, to a place where he is no longer 'walking around with guilt', has been down to him spending a year sober.
The decision was made on January 6, 2018, to give up drinking and the ex-Arsenal man has not looked back since.
He immediately took himself to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and vowed, for the sake of his family, to turn his situation around.
Merson admits that he would often suffer in silence but now regularly calls up friends and family if he has a bad day.
'For me, it's always been the drink,' Merson added. 'When you start drinking, everything goes out of the window. You don't care about anything. You don't even care about yourself.
'On Monday I'll have been a year sober. One day at a time. It's hard for people who are not going to meetings to live in the day. I keep my life to one day at a time.
'This is the best thing I've ever done. I was in bed on New Year's Eve by 9.30. I went to an AA meeting, came home, watched The Sting and went to bed.'
Merson, who went on to be capped 21 times by England, enjoyed a successful playing career with Arsenal.
The 51-year-old won five trophies during his 12-year spell in north London before moving on to play for Middlesbrough, Aston Villa, Portsmouth and Walsall.
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