The most reliable may not be a big surprise but statistically the least lethal striker is having a good season.
If Robert Lewandowski thought his week couldn't get any worse, then we've got some news he may not want to hear.
The Bayern Munich striker and team-mate Kingsley Coman became embroiled in a training ground punch-up on Thursday.
The fight wasn't kept quiet and it's cast more doubt over his future.
But despite being the top scorer in the Bundesliga, the 21-goal striker won't enjoy reading Understat's findings.
The usually polished Polish finisher has the worst conversion rate in Europe's top leagues at -9.31.
Understat have carefully broken down each player's records in respect to the number of goals they have scored minus the goals they were expected to score.
Manchester City's Gabriel Jesus came third with -4.92, with a slightly better ratio than Villarreal's Gerard Moreno.
Roma's Edin Džeko is fourth, with Lyon's Memphis Depay taking fifth spot.
The naughty list is less predictable than the good guys' role of honour.
Lionel Messi, who has 33 goals to his name at Barcelona in La Liga alone, tops the chart with an average of 9.37.
Borussia Dortmund's Paco Alcácer is second, with AC Milan's impressive Krzysztof Piątek third.
Tragic former Nantes star Emiliano Sala is fourth with Tottenham Hotspur's Son Heung-min on 4.97 and is the highest ranking Premier League player.