“Chelsea get battered, everywhere they go, Chelsea get battered, everywhere they gooooo… everywhere they go.”
Mad though it sounds, there was actually a slight air of fatalism around the Emirates Stadium before kick-off on Tuesday. Arsenal, winless in four Premier League games and with a brutal beating at the hands of Manchester City fresh in the collective memory, were hosting Chelsea seven years to the day since Eden Hazard ended Tottenham's faltering Premier League title challenge in what became known as 'The Battle of the Bridge'. Could it really happen again?
When not winning trophies themselves, Chelsea have taken great relish in shattering the dreams of their rivals. Coming back to draw 2-2 against Spurs in May 2016 at least ensured the worst season of the Roman Abramovich era ended with something to cheer.
Two years earlier, those who travelled to Anfield revelled in a wild-eyed Jose Mourinho roaring and beating his chest after sucker-punching Liverpool and Steven Gerrard to end their 11-game winning streak and all but hand the Premier League title to Manchester City. “They want us to be the clowns in the circus,” he had told his players in the dressing room before the game.
But any such fears Arsenal supporters arrived with were founded on a memory of Chelsea, not the dishevelled reality. Frank Lampard's side were perfectly cast as the comic relief in a dire opening 45 minutes that saw Martin Odegaard score almost exactly the same goal twice, and Gabriel Jesus sweep in a third after a shambolic scramble in the six-yard box.
“The first-half performance was not good enough, in every way,” Lampard said afterwards. “We were nice to play against in every way, nice off the ball, passive. Things we spoke about before the game defensively we didn't do. We didn't restrict space between the lines, we didn't get the line up as much as we wanted to, we didn't pressure the ball, we didn't make contact with Arsenal players.
“Then on the ball, same. Passing short, passing to ourselves in a bad position, not playing longer, not making forward runs, things that we talked about. Play like that, you get what you get.”
Arsenal have frittered away leads in recent weeks, the mental and physical burden of holding off Pep Guardiola's relentless Manchester City side finally manifesting on the pitch. Last week, Brentford had arrived at Stamford Bridge on a six-match winless run in the Premier League. Yet this Chelsea have established themselves as the antidote to every team's confidence crisis except their own.
Lampard changed things up again, abandoning the “big energy” selection that had made Real Madrid uncomfortable at Stamford Bridge but rendered Chelsea even more toothless than usual against Brentford, and shifting to a more expansive 4-3-3.
For the competitive portion of the match, it did no good; on his first start since January 5, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang touched the ball just nine times, four of which were kick-offs, and was hooked at half-time. Noni Madueke, handed his first start since February 18, was the only player to earn Lampard's public praise and scored a deserved first goal for the club — but only once Arsenal had grown comfortable to the point of complacent in their lead.
In the first half, Chelsea's lack of cohesion was painfully glaring. On the right flank, Madueke slipped the ball infield to N'Golo Kante and darted in behind Oleksandr Zinchenko hoping for a return pass, only to throw his arms up in frustration when the Frenchman immediately turned and played backwards. Barely a minute later on the opposite wing, Raheem Sterling used his body smartly to roll Ben White, advanced into the Arsenal half and then played a pass behind Ben Chilwell as the full-back underlapped at full speed without a backward glance.
Chilwell brought the only good save out of Aaron Ramsdale before Chelsea's defence caved in, and the gleeful Arsenal supporters behind the dugouts spent much of the remainder of the first half singing 'Super Frankie Lampard' as the visiting manager stood at the edge of his technical area with a face of thunder. In the second, there were ripples of disdainful laughter from the home fans as the visitors laboured on the counter-attack — the polar opposite of the anxiety they have so often felt in recent weeks.
After the match, Lampard spoke at length about Chelsea failing to execute “the basics”, as well as reiterating his belief that a lack of physical conditioning is part of the problem. Yet it is alarming that, with almost a week to work with this bloated group of players before each of the last three matches, he has been unable to find at least 11 of them capable of producing a truly competitive 90-minute performance.
Instead, in terms of motivation, chemistry and confidence, Chelsea have slumped from being the most disappointing team in the Premier League to simply being the worst. Had any fewer than 39 Premier League points been accumulated under Thomas Tuchel and Graham Potter between August and April, Todd Boehly and Behdad Eghbali would likely feel compelled to contemplate a third coaching change of the season to guard against the ludicrous possibility of relegation to the Championship.
Chelsea's highly visible co-owners are believed to have been in the United States for the Brentford and Arsenal losses. Perhaps greater distance might help them see the role their decisions have played in the scale of the mess the club is now in and the urgency of the need for them to secure fresh leadership and direction before a vital summer.
Chelsea have another chance to be title party-poopers against City at the Etihad Stadium on May 21 — though it is easier to imagine them once again ending up as punchlines.