Something a member of Manchester City’s staff offered up a while back came to the mind when trying to piece together the team’s latest capitulation.
‘It’s not easy to read the thinking of Pep,’ they said. ‘We just have to follow and interpret it.’
Well, no interpretation required at the moment. Pep Guardiola is literally wearing the battle scars of City’s war waged against themselves. They all know what he is thinking and feeling now - crystalised by events before and after City threw away a three-goal lead against unfancied Feyenoord.
As Guardiola arrived for the match at the Etihad Stadium, a bloodied nose and curious red lines across his head were evident. He said he’d been picking at the skin with a fingernail, a nervous tic for a man whose eccentricity matches his genius. One often cannot exist without the other. The red lines faded during the 3-3 draw, only to reappear later in the evening, following City’s capitulation.
In an attempt to lighten the mood at the end of his media duties later on, the Catalan joked that he had wanted to harm himself amid this torturous run of form. It was a rare verbal slip from someone usually so measured, and Guardiola would release a statement clarifying that he meant no offence to anyone suffering with mental-health problems.
Guardiola has been scratching his scalp. He’s had his head in his hands. He’s collapsed to the floor and cracked his knuckles. All of these things are behavioural traits of the 53-year-old.
The full repertoire has been on show over the course of five straight defeats, and now a draw that leaves their progression into the Champions League knockout stage without the need for a February play-off as uncertain at best.
The wounds make you wonder about the turmoil going on in that mind. Sources say he appeared ‘lost’ as he made his way down the tunnel on Tuesday night and there was a good deal of introspection thereafter.
He’s never experienced this before. Not to this degree, anyway. Never this bad, although there are some comparisons to draw with past runs.
The decision to pen a two-year contract extension in 2020 came days after losing at Tottenham, and there were poor draws against Manchester United and West Brom to follow, with performances that were sub-par. Back then sources were asking what Guardiola had seen to convince him to stay. It’s fair to assume the same people are wondering exactly that now, too.
But in 2020 he turned it around - even after starting the season with a sense of foreboding, so much so that he didn’t even have the energy or enthusiasm to take the first training session that year. City eventually won the title, the first of their four in a row. He can turn this around, too, although he has admitted recently that past comebacks have been achievable by virtue of a fit squad. Not a luxury he now possesses, so the search for answers run deeper.
And observing him over the past few weeks has almost been to watch the five stages of grief play out.
There has been denial - rightly or wrongly - that City’s levels have dipped, Guardiola contesting that the only truly poor day was at Bournemouth when they lost 2-1. He even said that the challenge was something he liked and, by extension, needed. There has been anger, in the form of impassioned defences of his team and dressing-downs behind closed doors. He’s not averse to blazing rows with assistant, Juanma Lillo, either.
Bargaining came when he discussed the make-up of the squad and injuries, before depression and acceptance appeared on Tuesday.
An air of resignation hung in the press room following the Feyenoord match as he went back over Jack Grealish’s last-minute chance which bounced back off a post. As if he knew it was never flying in because that is not the way things are working.
Body language expert Judi James revealed yesterday that Guardiola had projected a series of self-attacks during his media rounds and that his appearance via other cues gave a sense of ‘distress, frustration and even helplessness’.
Guardiola is not about around Manchester as much, spending his days worrying about the giant hole in his side’s midfield. He does look frustrated and that is understandable. The way in which City gifted Feyenoord all three goals was, as Ilkay Gundogan put it, ‘inexplicable’.
It’s now 17 goals conceded in these six games and Gundogan described this season as his toughest in a City shirt.
‘If we lost 2-0 at home obviously we would be disappointed but the way we did it, urgh... it could have only been worse if we’d conceded a fourth goal and lost the game,’ Gundogan said. ‘There is only ourselves to blame.’
Looking at their manager, usually so well turned out but now cut and bruised, it is clear he is burdening himself with the collective blame.