Listen carefully kids. If you still want to break records — and see your own abdominal muscles — by the time you reach 36, then remember this the next time you visit a vending machine.
On Monday evening, before kicking off their title defence against Hungary, Portugal captain Cristiano Ronaldo sat down to speak to the media. In front of him, UEFA had placed two bottles of Coca-Cola. Full-fat, too.
Big mistake. The 36-year-old, whose extraordinary success has been founded on relentless hard work on the pitch and monastic discipline off it, proceeded to move the drinks out of sight and replace them with a bottle of water. He then muttered 'Coca-Cola', with no little disdain.
Fortunately, there is no such thing as bad publicity. So no doubt they were clinking bottles in Coca-Cola Towers when Ronaldo was endorsed by both NFL star Tom Brady and anti-obesity campaigners, who hailed the rejection of this 'cynical marketing' move. Just what they ordered for that sponsorship deal.
Perhaps it's just sad cases like me, but has anyone else noticed how familiar names are sounding rather different this summer?
Suddenly, it's polyglots galore in the commentary booths of BBC and ITV and I'm second-guessing the pronunciation of everyone and everything. It is 'foot-balls come-ing ho-muh', right?
My ears first pricked during the opener between Turkey and Italy, when Leicester's Caglar Soyuncu (known for the past few seasons as Cag-lar Soy-un-chew) was re-christened 'Shaa-lar Soy-on-shoe' by the excellent Guy Mowbray.
And then a double-double-take while watching Sweden's draw with Spain on Monday. During a rare Sweden counter, Alexander Isak (Ee-sack, easy enough) combined with Emil Forsberg (Forz-berry) and Marcus Berg (Berry).
At first, I assumed it was a slip of the tongue. Then I had to rewind to check my ears were not deceiving me. Then came the existential crisis.
Surely it hasn't been Olof Mell-Berry all these years? Suddenly he doesn't seem so menacing.
A quick Google informed me that, in Swedish, it should in fact be 'Oo-loff Mel-bay', while Forsberg is somewhere between 'Firs-Berry and Force-Berry'. Well, there you go. You learn something new every day. And, hey, it makes a nice change from English football's long history of butchering foreign names.
Commentators must have been burying their heads into detailed team guides and the coverage is all the better for this new Euro-cosmopolitanism. Now, when is Harry Maguire (Mag-weir-ay) returning to the England side?
Patrik Schick's stunner against Scotland had me wondering: is a long-range lob the most satisfying goal to watch?
The sound of 10,000 breaths being held together, the flailing arms of a keeper running through treacle, the scorers' eyes darting between ball and ground like a golfer hitting over water. Glorious.
